Samsung’s Patent Filing Patent infringes Apple’s Filing Patent Infringement Patent, claims Apple’s Patent Filing Infringement Patent Claims Director

The patent wars that erupted recently between Apple and, well, everybody else were notched up another gear today (that’s up into 6^th!) by the filing of a patent infringement filing infringement patent suit, filed by Apple against Samsung.

Apple spokesman-woman Merrill Bankbum, who was wearing a blue twin-set and pearls made the claim in court today, which was hotly rebuffed by Samsung spokesbot Rordi Somesang, who was wearing a patent suit.

Samsung’s Somesang help up Apple’s 1,834 page, 42,324 clause infringement claims and said that the Samsung board rejected 42,322 of the 42,324 clauses while asking for clarity on clause 73 and pointing out that printer ink had stopped half way through clause 32,356, just after the word ‘balls’.

The judge said the hearing would likely continue for another 3 months, but that 15 minutes into the first day and he was already confused.

Within hours, the judge was then literally slapped with a subpoena injunction mandate demand claiming trademark infringement by Confused.com.

An industry spokesperson (though we’re not sure what industry) said that the situation in electronics manufacture was now so grave that almost every device contained components that infringed someone else’s patent, and that almost everything we owned was now subject to an infringement claim by almost every other company seeking to defend their products to better serve their customers, who are also us.

He cited the case of his aunt who had laser eye treatment where the manufacturer of the equipment used had been challenged and lost an infringement claim, and whereupon his aunt subsequently had her eyeballs snatched out by a patent lawyer in Kensington High Street.

In another incident, bailifs acting on behalf of an unnamed medical equipment manufacturer, called Medifact Products ‘n’ Shit, physically removed pacemakers from three shoppers in Hull last week, in a move described as ‘heartless’ by onlookers.

‘It’s all going to the dogs’ replied a man from Barnsley, to an unasked question.

My Vow

I vow to do whatever it takes to get whatever it is I’m supposed to be doing done, to whatever level that thing needs to be done to, and by the time that thing needs to be done by, no matter what has to be done, and no matter the cost that this thing, whatever it is, costs.

I repeat this vow to myself every morning, before I check my TODO list, though to be fair, when you’re so focused on ‘doing everything it takes’, you don’t really need a TODO list, or any of those organizer things.

That’s because you live and breathe this thing. Or, more accurately, these things because when you’re so committed to ‘laying yourself on the line’ people start asking you to do more things because they know you’re the kind of guy who will do what it takes, regardless of the cost.

So when I’m asked if I can do something, I always say ‘yeah, I can do that’.

And when they say ‘don’t you need to go and reflect on what will be needed, and whether the objectives are achievable?’ I just reply with ‘hey, it’ll be done’

And when they add ‘..by the end of March?’ I just go ‘yeah, sure, whenever’

And when they ask ‘don’t you want to make a note of the deliverables and due date etc?’ I just say ‘no, I don’t sweat the small stuff’

At that point they know they’re in safe hands.

But that’s not to say everything always goes smoothly.

When you lay yourself on the line it’s not a bed of roses on the line that you’re laying on – it’s, like, a line thing, which is hard. Like a hard line.

So, yeah, projects screw up from time to time – I mean, who hasn’t lost all their data at one time or another, or had an entire website just disappear without trace?

But if you’re totally committed, and you feel that commitment in every fibre of the natural-fibre duvet that you’re using when you lay yourself on the line whatever the cost, then you can get those screw-ups down to below the 50% mark.

And that’s not a bad average, really. I mean this stuff’s difficult.